Saturday, March 16, 2013

Even as a small child, only 7 or 8 years old, I knew that not everyone liked me. All children sometimes feel like they are on the outside of the click. All humans have felt rejection. This is not what I am talking about. This dislike is not about sitting alone on the playground. I have NEVER experienced that. For whatever reason, even those who dislike me, still want me at their table. I was never chosen last in a group. Most times I was asked to be the leader...Be the one who chooses and therefore ranks the other children into social classes. I remember a particular boy who was having a tough time in about 5th grade. The other boys had ousted him from the group, and he seemed to be shrinking under them. I sent him a note. I passed it to him in the line on the stairwell where everyone could see it. I asked him if he liked 'yes' or 'no'. He circled "yes" and within a few hours he was at the center of the boys' attention again. I remember knowing that would happen. Only about 10 years old, and I got it. Attention from a girl would bring attention from the boys again. Attention from the boys would once again make him cool and desirable to the girls.... By lunch the next day, he was stolen from me by one of the girls who just didn't like me. Even then I had Reals and one of the Reals asked me if I was going to retaliate in some way. The girl had stolen my Grade School Boyfriend! Even then I knew that it was fine. I would handle the small rejection I had created for myself and not be brought down by the girl. She had the desire NOT for the boy, but the desire to triumph! The desire to take something...her desire was not for giggles and knowing the boy, her desire was to be chosen over me. I understood that. I also understood that character is in what is done that no one else ever knows about. I think maybe the quiet acceptance I learned from my character as a child, has now become a sort of wall for keeping people out. I live my life inside my head.

Sean on the other hand...Sean is the most likable guy I know. He is easy to talk to, and just oozes comfort and warmth. He's open and caring, even to strangers. He's hard working and smart. I'm just having such a hard time wrapping my head around what is happening to him right now. He and the owner of this resort are just butting heads like you wouldn't believe! I have never heard him talk about a boss or PERSON that seemed to dislike him as this guy seems to.... It's so strange. If it was ME...yeah. That would make perfect sense. But not SEAN! Everyone likes Sean...babies fall asleep in his arms as soon as they meet him...I know of at least 2 sets of guard dogs that will only allow Sean in the yard...He dances with old ladies and makes them laugh! WHO DOESN'T LIKE SEAN?!? Bizarre.....

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